I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
