I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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