I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I looked at my own cervix.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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