I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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