it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
