the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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