Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
