Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
