I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
