he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
