Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
