He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
