your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
