I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
