Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
