sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
