He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
