Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
