Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
