I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
