I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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