apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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