so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
