so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize