Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
