I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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