11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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