She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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