worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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