Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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