Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
