then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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