i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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