I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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