i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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