i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
