Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
