Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
