i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
