So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize