Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize