38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
