her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
