so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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