My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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