Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize