so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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