So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
