Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize