Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
