I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
