i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
