I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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