I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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