I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
