yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
