I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
