You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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