You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
