I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Never joke about your clitoris.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
