you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
