just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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