ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
