I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
