You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
