covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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